When therapy “makes sense” but nothing changes
Therapy can feel like detective work. You come in, we trace back patterns, connect dots, and have those big “aha!” moments. It’s satisfying, like solving a mystery. But here’s the thing: insight without action is a bit like buying a gym membership and then never actually going. You feel productive, you’ve ticked a box, maybe even posted about it, but your muscles (or in this case, your life) don’t change one bit.
Your brain doesn’t care about theories
A lot of clients tell me: “I tried challenging my thoughts, but it didn’t feel true.” Of course it didn’t. Your brain isn’t that easily convinced. You can say, “I’m totally fine in social situations” until you’re blue in the face, but your brain will side-eye you until you actually go to a party and survive. Brains are stubborn like that. They believe experience, not pep talks.
The endless insight trap
Here’s another sneaky one: sometimes “working on insight” becomes the perfect excuse not to do the hard stuff. If I keep analysing, reflecting, and philosophising, then I don’t have to actually test anything in real life. That’s like re-drawing your travel map every day and calling it progress, even though you’ve never left the driveway. Looks busy. Feels safe. Gets you exactly nowhere.
Why behaviour change wins every time
Experience rewires the brain. Thoughts only stick when lived experience backs them up.
Confidence comes from doing. You don’t become brave by understanding bravery; you become brave by acting, shaky voice and all.
Life happens outside the therapy room. One hour here, 167 hours out there. Guess which hours matter most?
Action creates feedback. Even if you “fail,” you learn. And learning beats endlessly spinning your wheels.
Don’t get me wrong, insight is wonderful. It shines a light on the path. But standing around holding a torch doesn’t get you anywhere. At some point, you have to start walking (yes, even if you trip).
Here’s a gentle challenge: What’s one small, uncomfortable, but doable action you could try this week?
Not think about. Not journal about. Actually do.
Because that’s where change happens.
