What therapy with me is actually like (and whether we’re a good fit)
One of the most common questions prospective clients ask is what therapy with me is actually like. It is a reasonable question because psychologists vary considerably in how they work. Two psychologists might use similar therapeutic approaches, work with similar presentations, and have similar qualifications, yet the experience of sitting in a session with them can feel completely different.
If you are looking for a psychologist who will sit quietly, nod every few seconds, and gently agree with everything you say, I am probably not the right fit for you. Don't get me wrong, I’m warm, supportive, and fiercely on your team. But I am also honest. I am direct. I use a lot of humour, and when necessary, I will challenge you.
Here is exactly what you can expect with me, so you can decide if we are the right match.
Therapy with me is warm, but it is also active
A lot of people come to therapy wanting to feel understood, and that makes complete sense. If you have spent a long time feeling dismissed, misunderstood, judged or told to “just think positive” by people who appear to have learned psychology from a fridge magnet, then therapy should feel different from that.
At the same time, therapy with me is not a place where we simply sit together and agree that everything is terrible forever. Sometimes things are terrible, of course. I’m not here to gaslight you into gratitude journalling your way out of a genuinely painful situation. But if something in your life is not working, our job is to understand it clearly enough that we can do something about it. That means therapy needs to involve reflection, honesty, skill-building, behavioural change and, at times, some uncomfortable but useful conversations.
My style is warm, collaborative and personable, but I’m also fairly direct. I want therapy to feel safe enough that we can talk about the real thing, not just the polished version of the thing that is easier to say out loud. I will take your emotions seriously, but I will also help you look at patterns, choices, fears, avoidance, relationships and behaviours that may be keeping you stuck.
I use evidence-based therapy
The therapies I use are evidence-based. This means I don’t rely on trends, "gut feelings", or spiritual concepts. We will not be talking about manifestation, the universe, energy fields, or past lives. I use approaches that have research behind them, including therapies such as CBT, DBT, ACT, ERP, CBT-E, CPT, prolonged exposure and other structured, evidence-based interventions depending on what you are seeking help with.
I will always aim to give you something that the evidence shows can help, rather than something that only feels comforting in the moment. Sometimes those two things overlap. Sometimes they do not. A strategy might not feel good immediately, but it may still be exactly the thing that helps you build a different relationship with your thoughts, emotions, body, memories or behaviours over time. If you are looking for a spiritual approach to healing there are wonderful practitioners who offer that, but I am not one of them.
I will give you honest feedback
One of the things I value most in therapy is honesty. I don’t want you to leave sessions wondering whether I’m simply saying what you want to hear. If I think a pattern is worth noticing, I’ll name it. If I think there is another way to understand what is happening, I’ll offer that perspective. Therapy cannot work properly if I only validate the parts of the story that feel easiest, or if I avoid saying something because it might be uncomfortable to hear.
I want clients to be able to trust that when I say something supportive, I mean it. If I tell you I think you handled something well, made progress, showed courage or are being too hard on yourself, I’m not just sprinkling compliments around the room for decoration. I’m saying it because I believe it. That trust only works if you also know I’m willing to be honest when something may need to change.
I will challenge you
Therapy with me involves being asked questions. Sometimes those questions will be gentle and reflective. Sometimes they will be more direct. I might ask whether a behaviour is helping you or whether the thing you are calling “coping” is actually keeping you trapped.
Being challenged doesn’t mean being criticised. It means we are creating enough space to look at what is happening from more than one angle. Most people come to therapy because something in their life is not working, even if they are not yet sure exactly what it is. My role is to help us explore that carefully, identify the patterns underneath it, and work out what we need to target.
This works best when there is some willingness to hear different ideas and be open to questions. You do not have to agree with everything I say. In fact, I would prefer that you didn’t pretend to agree with me if you don’t. Therapy is much more useful when we can think together honestly, including when you see things differently. The goal is not obedience. The goal is clarity, flexibility and change.
Therapy is not endless validation
Validation is important. It can be incredibly powerful to have someone understand why you feel the way you feel, especially if you have spent years being told you are too sensitive, too much, too dramatic, too anxious, or too angry.
But therapy isn’t supposed to be a place where you are endlessly validated without ever being invited to do anything differently. If every session ends with “that sounds really hard” and nothing else changes, we may eventually have a beautifully validated version of the same problem. It might be emotionally accurate, but it is probably not the outcome you were hoping for.
In therapy, we can validate that something makes sense and still ask whether it is helping. We can understand why you avoid something and still work on reducing the avoidance. We can acknowledge that a fear feels real and still practise responding to it differently. We can respect that your coping strategies developed for a reason and still notice when they are now making your life smaller.
Willingness matters more than feeling ready
You do not need to arrive at therapy feeling confident, motivated and perfectly prepared to change. (Most people don’t.) What does matter is willingness. Willingness means being open to trying something different, even if part of you doesn’t want to. It means being prepared to notice patterns, experiment with new behaviours, practise skills, tolerate discomfort and come back to the work even when it’s difficult. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything perfectly.
This is especially important if you are working on OCD, trauma, anxiety, eating concerns or long-standing avoidance. These difficulties often improve when we gradually change your relationship with distress, uncertainty, fear, memories, urges or uncomfortable body sensations. That work requires practice and repetition. It requires doing things that may feel awkward, unfamiliar or emotionally uncomfortable at first.
Discomfort is often part of the work
Unfortunately, there is no magic method where you can get better without ever feeling discomfort. I would love it if there were. I would also like a method where emails answer themselves and everyone gets eight hours of sleep. This is not the world we live in.
For OCD, treatment involves exposure and response prevention, which means gradually facing feared situations, thoughts or feelings without doing the rituals or reassurance-seeking that keep the cycle going. For trauma, effective therapy involves approaching painful memories, beliefs or avoided situations in a structured and supported way. For anxiety, it involves doing things while anxious rather than waiting for anxiety to disappear first. For depression, it involves changing behaviour before motivation arrives, which is deeply unfair but necessary.
We will work collaboratively, pace things thoughtfully, and make sure you understand why we are doing what we are doing. But therapy will sometimes ask you to feel difficult emotions on purpose, in the service of building a life that is less controlled by them.
Treatment can work
What I can promise is that evidence-based treatment can work. It doesn’t work because I have a secret technique or a mystical gift. It works because certain patterns are treatable, and we have well-researched ways of treating them.
OCD can improve. Trauma symptoms can reduce. Anxiety can become less controlling. Eating disorder behaviours can change. Depression can lift. Avoidance can shrink. People can learn to relate differently to thoughts, feelings, memories, urges and uncertainty. None of this means the work is easy or instant, but it does mean the work is real.
My job is to help you understand what is keeping the problem going, choose interventions that fit the problem, and support you to practise those interventions in a way that is clear, structured and compassionate. Your job isn’t to be perfect. Your job is to be willing enough to participate, reflect, practise and keep showing up to the process.
A good fit for this style of therapy
You may be a good fit for therapy with me if you want a psychologist who is warm but direct, evidence-based but human, and supportive without being endlessly agreeable. You may also be a good fit if you want to understand yourself more clearly, but you don’t want therapy to stop at insight. You want to know what to do with that insight, how to practise it, and how to make changes that actually show up in your life.
This style of therapy tends to work well for people who are open to being asked questions, willing to consider different perspectives, and prepared to experiment with behaviour change even when it feels uncomfortable. You don’t need to feel brave all the time. You don’t need to have everything figured out. You don’t need to enjoy the process of change (that would be suspicious). But you do need some willingness to engage with it.
Therapy with me is a collaborative process. I will bring clinical knowledge, structure, honesty and evidence-based strategies. You bring your lived experience, your goals, your effort and your willingness to try something different. Together, we work out what is happening, what is keeping it going, and what needs to change.
We may be a good fit if…
You value honest conversations, even when they are challenging.
You are open to exploring different perspectives.
You can tolerate uncertainty while working through complex issues.
You are interested in growth, not just reassurance.
You are willing to sit with discomfort if it means making genuine progress.
We may not be the best fit if…
You are looking for a therapist who will always agree with your perspective.
You would prefer therapy that focuses exclusively on validation and emotional support.
You expect therapy to feel comfortable and want a practitioner who adapts clinical standards to avoid pushing your boundaries.
You are looking for a spiritual, holistic, or energy-based framework.
You become distressed when your beliefs, assumptions, or interpretations are gently questioned.
Ultimately, therapy is an investment of your time, energy, and money. If my style sounds like the kind of accountability and warmth you've been looking for, I would love to work with you.
